I'm the Shit and You Wish You Were Me.

2004-01-29T17:40:00.000-08:00

Welcome Back To My World!

I know it's been a long time..... But I was out getting some good shit to talk about. I must first report on last Friday night... (1-23-04)....

So all was well with me, 4 Red Bull and Vodka's before leaving for Lansing's "Dirty" Dollar..... The name holds true, for it really is dirty. Anyhow, I was plastered before even leaving for the bar. You can imagine $60 later, I am almost on the floor... But still having fun dancing with the UGLIEST chicks around.

The afterparty was in full swing at Laurens luxurious apartment in Melrose. The clubhouse of her complex was having an all black party.... Needless to say, once we saw it on the closed circuited tv........ we went.... It was so fun..... Except that whole part of the music stopping and everyone staring at the four of us......So we danced to Chingy like our asses were on fire!

Later that night (actually about 4:30 am) I get this brilliant idea to walk home... I thought there were too many people staying at Laurens, and I wanted to avoid being 'steamrolled', so I started my 2.5 mile walk home. Not such a good idea when its -3 degrees outside...... PLUS I didn't have a jacket.....

I was walking down the street and a cab picked me up, after realizing I had no money, I jumped out of the cab with the other guy that was in there. Smart. I was dropped at Grand River and Hagadorn, which was getting closer to my apt, but still about a mile.

What happened next?

Something even more outrageous!!!!

To be continued tomorrow......

2003-10-30T17:50:00.000-08:00

Running thru a brick wall.

Failed a test today...... that sucks

Big weekend coming up.. MSU vs. U of M. WOO HOO ..... Everybody whos anybody will be here. I feel bad for you if you wont be. 5 more weeks of school.. can I make it? I hope so...

2003-10-27T16:01:00.000-08:00

Opinionated and bitchy......that's me

Everythings not about you..... :)

Weekend was fun.... Went to Spiral's Halloween party... It was entertaining... I didn't win the costume contest.... It was rigged by some ugly drag queen..... so I spent the rest of the night throwing glow sticks at the ugly bitch....

It's ok... I am going on Wed to the Dollar where the Halloween costume contest winner gets $500! I'm so there it's not even funny...... I need money!

I feel so unenergized lately... Is it the weater?? I mean I didn't get out of bed until 1pm today.... I just couldnt.... I had to take my car to get the dent out of it, so now I have a rental... It's a Focus... I have to manually peddle that damn go kart... Plus it makes me look really gay.. I'm not so happy bout it!

This week brings on 4 strenuous tests... I have so much to do and no energy.... Maybe I'll try speed.

2003-10-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

I know I don't write much lately...

I've just been busy going out and making random stories. I have a few to tell. But right now I am in a bidding war on Ebay.... I'll be back......

Damnit I lost... Fuckers.... Let's start with last night. Vanessa, Drew, and I went to X-cel. Fun times, I have taken on this new role as the designated driver... I guess its good for me because I have majorly cut down on my drinking. In the last month I have went out to party probably only 4 nights. That's great for me considering I was going out close to 4 nights a week. I have also taken on eating healthier and less. In the last 3 weeks I have lost 14 lbs. So I'm happy bout that too! :)

My goal is 165 lbs. I just have to stick with it. Last night Vanessa puked all over my floor... She was wasted... I find it interesting that all of her friends are alcoholics... Coincedence? I think not. We met some randoms, and one who "knows of" Steve and I. That made me fell good, because being in a 4 year gay relationship is like winning the lottery...... Nobody you know has ever won, but your sure somebody has to. It comes to shock people when they find out how long we've been together.... Why is that so weird? I mean, don't gay people want the same thing str8 couples want? Stability, monogamy, longevity? I mean you can't be a street slut your whole life.... otherwise your dick will fall off. I know people that are single and want to be in relationships, but where they have failed I have suceeded. I have some tips to share with all of you to improve dating performance.

1) Call once, if they don't return your call, FORGET ABOUT THEM! Don't drag it out, if they were too pussy to tell you they are not interested WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME?
1.5) Don't have your friends call to see if they answer their phone either... THey KNOW IT'S YOU TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH THEM!
2) Don't show emotions within the first couple of months... They will think you're sappy and they'll run the other way.
3) Don't try to make a relationship out of a one night stand. They were doing the same thing you were. Hook up and leave. Admit it, it was just sex, they WON"T be perfect for you. Don't call a one nighter back...EVER!
4)Always seem like you are busy, and make it seem special that you are making time for them. THis will make them think you're really important, and then they'll want to spend more time with you.
5) Stay within your range. Don't make travel plans to go on dates. This just complicates things later. Date within a 20 mile radius. Overnights are fine, but remember those times when you just want them to leave.....
6) Make them get to know your friends.... Friends don't like "secret lovers" that they only hear tidbits about. Plus if they wanna break up with you later, they'll feel even worse because not only are they losing a boyfriend, but also all of your friends too. (This works really well.)
7) Never seem eger. Minimal attention produces maximum results. (Ask Dana)
8) Don't give up the sex within the first month. Bj's and handjobs are ok... you have to give a little tease of whats to come, but NEVER give up the booty.... WAIT! Waiting the first month is crucial... If they tap it, then they will feel as if they "accomplished their mission" and they will move on FAST....

I don't know why gay guys have so much trouble finding love. I think gaysplotation has grounded some of them, you know the millionaire single gay guy dream...... GONE. Now we have boys like Bruce Filanch, Elton John and Pierce Brosnan to dream about. (YUCK) Why can't the REALLY HOT guys be gay? Is this a curse? Like Tom Cruise (maybe he is?), or Robbie Williams...... those boys are yummy.... Damn it!

Well anyways take my advice.... These are tested methods of vital dating tips.... Everyone should follow them...

We are going to a haunted house tonight and to see Scary Movie 3... I'll give my reviews on Monday. All the fagstar workers are going... There will be like 10 of us... Then we'll go get sloshed and sleep all day tomorrow.... There is a Halloween party at Spiral tomorrow night.. We might be attending. God I can't wait till schools out... 14 months to go.. Hallelejuah!

Back to the whole Steve thing, I hope that we are together forever. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, nor would I want to.... It would just be too weird to not have him around... But we cross paths on some major issues, I want modern furniture, he doesn't, I want us to drive beemers and escalades, he wants pinto's and turismos,I want kids, he doesn't. I want a cat and a dog, he HATES cats..... What's a boy to do?

I say go shop!

2003-10-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

Some people weren't meant to be funny

So last night Vanessa, Steve, and I were invited to go the Connxtions Comedy Club by Jeremy and Kristi (fabulous cute couple) We started off the night at Jambalayas in Lainesberg for dinner. Nasty! I suggest you don't eat there... Everything was spicy..... I mean everything! I searched the menu for the most non-toxic item.... hmm ... found one..... Ceaser salad... How could someone make a Ceaser salad spicy? Much to my shigrin, the fucking lettuce had spices on it... YUCK.... So I picked at it like it was infected with some killer disease.

On to the club. Like always Vanessa is always hella late... So much to noones surprise we are running 15 mnutes behind... We meet everyone at the club, and I'm not kidding a room that could hold 200 people had like 25. So it was important to laugh at the jokes. I mean its kinda rude to not laugh especially in a small audience where the "comedian" can single you out and stare at you for not laughing... That happened... These comedians sucked big balls! And you could totally tell when people started getting drunk because thats when people started laughing.... The club smelled like a grannies attic, and the upkeep on the place was way below average.. The crowd had much to be desired also... All the hillbillies from the surrounding area threw on their Gitano jeans and flannel shirts for a night of fun.. It sucked

We had a nightcap back at Kristi's which proved to be the most fun.. We found out one of the people we know, (cannot say names) was standing in their kitchen and had to fart... When they did they shit their pants.. How funny is that? We laughed for like an hour..... A little catch phrase and we were going home...

Had to work at 8:!5 this morning.... THat really sucks. We were late.... that's some comedy!

2003-10-16T17:45:00.000-07:00

Thirsty Thursday

Yeah I wanna go to the bar, but I have to work at 8:30 am... How sucky is that?

2003-10-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

The fun NEVER stops!

Let's start today with something positive.... Since I am the ultimate consumer I must tell all of you about something NEW! Crest has this new toothpaste, Cinnamon Rush, it is FABULOUS! It tastes so good I want to eat it out of the tube. I have only found it at Target, but i'm sure others must carry it.

Now about last night.... Fun. I went to X-Cel with Justin, and low and behold Drew was there. We had one of those random almost sober kinda nights. We unfortunately got stuck in some bad conversations, but we saw some new hot strippers... GOod times were had by all. THis one is particular that stands out (speaking of bad conversations not strippers) this guy with a beard and some really ugly makeup on was telling us how he got beat up in East Lansing... Totally boring and we had to bail on him. Justin pointed out this Asian who he said was the one I was fighting with a couple weeks ago.. (See previous journal entries) Well I thought since I acted like such a fool I'd go and apologize. SO I did, but it was the wrong guy.. He was like " Um, I'm sorry but it wasnt me" then I felt like such an asshole. I think Justin was tricking me so I would look like a fool.. I'll get even

So I am getting ready for XMAS and I think I have come up with the ultimate present to myself..... It's something I can't ask anyone for, because they'd probably think I was crazy... but I want a new car horn. It hit me today when an old man almost did. I slammed down on my horn hitting it with ferocious pounding hoping it would amp the volume and intensity. Unfortunately all you could hear was "beep". How annoying. I need a horn that says "FUCK YOU" when I hit it! Not some pansy ass beep. I want it to scare the shit out of the person I am honking at. I was thinking the horn that you see in movies that sounds like a Mexican Calipso dance.... Id type it out but nobody would ever understand it. That would take to long to cycle through so I could pound it again..... but I'm gonna get amplifiers installed under my car to help boost my pussy horn... I'll show them one day.

2003-10-14T17:17:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen a 50 foot long poop bag?

Let me tell you it ain't pretty! Over the weekend I decided to help Steve with one of his projects he was working on for work. He is testing water that is flowing out of the Conner Creek Waste Water Plant. Yes, waste water... when it rains, the water collects there to be pumped into the river. Water isn't the only thing that goes there. Poop. Lots and lots of poop. Poop can be seen by the tons. This poop is pumped into big bags. I mean BIG bags that are lying on the ground in nice formational rows. Kinda looked like a football field of poop bags. These bags seriously were 50 feet long, 4 feet high, and 10 feet wide. Can you imagine how much poop that is? Damn cha-chi stop eating so much Mexican!

I asked Steve how they removed these massive bags when they are full. I noticed that there were already 20-30 bags already filled to capacity. He said they take a big tractor with a bucket and dig right into the ziplock bags of feces. EWWWW!!! Can you imagine that job>??????? Hi I'm Gary, and I move a lot of shit around... literally!! I would have to get paid a whole hell of a lot to do that shit. (meaning job)

What to do what to do.... Update on my car accident story.. So I left this threatening message on that bitches celll, the one that hit me yesterday. I told her I was going to the police station at noon on Tues (today) She showed up and took responsibility for what she did. Then her dad called about 30 mins later asking me how much it would be..... so he could just pay me off, with no insurance involvement. Ill try this route but if he fucks me over I still have the police report to fall back on.

Another police station story.... The fucking cunt rag ho police officer that wrote the report told the ho-bag (is that a cool word or what) that she would write her a ticket but they didn't have any!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???? THEY DON'T HAVE ANY????? I was pissed, so if I don't get enough money from the dad then I'm totally gonna call someone higher up in the station to find out why they don't have any tickets....

I hate work.. for all of you who don't already know that.. Fuck Flagstar Bank!

I read a funny thing today. These two economics students are selling tshirts for the UofM vs. MSU game which will be on Nov 1st. GO SPARTANS! Anyways, these shirts say "Wolverines Pack Fudge"... CHeck it out at this address:

http://oldschool.inf7.net/

I think they are funny... 2 wolverines shoving fudge up each others ass.... That's comedy... Appartenly the gay groups on campus find it offensive so now theres this big fuss about it. Big deal I say. Get over it... I think I'll have to order one... How funny.

I want to go to the bar tonight... Maybe I will!

2003-10-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

Crash......Boom........Bang!

That was the sound at 12:20p.m. I got hit by some stupid fuking bitch in a paddy wagon! Yes, some ugly bitch backed into me while driving down the road... How does this happen you ask? Well first your intelligence has to be really low ---- so low that you think it's ok to go in reverse down a busy street. 2nd you have to be blond. And not just any shade of blond, but the blond that protrudes your hair folicles and directly affects your brain. I am gonna get this bitch to pay for this! I don't want to drive around in a ghetto cruiser! OMG I am still ragin about this situation!

Worst off, I didn't call the cops at the scene... I'm a little dense myself. I was rushing to class so I didn't think about it... DOH!

Nuf of that shit. How worse can this week get? We'll just wait an see.

My sister got back from her retreat.... She started talking some nonsense on how people would be better if they went to these retreats.... I hope that'll wear off soon. I hope they didn't brain wash her... How scary to see the power a church has over people... It's eerie.

Speaking of eerie, Halloween is coming up in 3 weeks..> I got my costume on Saturday and it is FABULOUS!!!! I think this is the most excited I've been since I was a Ninja Turtle in 89. :)

Jason could be getting a job at Flagstar! He has an interview on Thursday... Everyone wish him luck!

Another wave of tests are coming on soon, so my writings will probably come few and far between again... Sorry...

13 months and 22 days until I graduate... Damn that's so far away...

Things that will happen before I graduate:

* Stacy will give birth (girl at work)
* My sister Chris will be married (Oct '04)
* My sister Jenny will be married (June '04)
* My youngest sister Kim will start college (Aug '04)
* My father will be married and divorced at least 2
more times (Just trust me on this one)
* I will turn 24 OMG!
* I will have to get 5 oil changes (give or take one)
* I will hopefully have a new car
* I will be in my 4th year at the bank
* Cher will pass on (Have you seen her lately?)
* California will disconnect from the continental US
(Conspiracy theorists think so.)
*I will have spent roughly $50,000 to get my degree
(God that really sucks!)

I'm sure more things will be added as time goes by.... but wish me luck with the stupid driver situation and my Archaeology test on Thurs. (The last one didn't go soo well, but I think I should get an 4.0 for just learning how to spell Archaeology... )Maybe my fat homo professor will take a blow job for a 3.0...... If it gets me to pass, let's rock and roll.

2003-10-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

P. Mother Fucking S.

Jason you are a bitch.. Have you ever wanted to dance on the counter at a bank.. This guy Carlos wants me to dance for him. Hmmmm. He's Mexican and will only pay me in coffee beans... I think not. He asks everytime he comes into the bank.. Get over it man! Hi Jenny Roy!

2003-10-11T05:57:00.000-07:00

I'm Back!

Alright... here's a taste of what I've been up to... P.S. I am at work and it is 9a.m. on a Saturday. I am destined to work all the crappiest shifts in the world. So last night I wanted to go to the movies. You know, to get into the seasonal spirit of scary Halloweeny type movie feeling. So we decided to go to see 'House of the Dead'. Let me tell you, DON'T go see it!Any movie that has to included computer game graphics for its action scenes probably is bad. It was SOOOOO bad that we made fun of it the whole time we were there. They were also showing the original Night of the Living Dead, which I also wanted to see really bad. But the massive lines of people made us decide different.

Ok, so we are at the theater and there is this booth set up in the lobby, and guess who's in it? The original Johnny from the movie Night of the Living Dead. So the movie was shot in 1968.... This guy was like 80 in a pimp daddy white suit with his "groupies".. It was the funniest thing. THey were bumpin lines of geritol off the table. :) Who knew Lansing could attract such big stars? I guess I underestimated this area!

I have an epifiny. Since when did churches start advertising? I mean we've all seen their gimickal slogans on their billboards "Come see me before the big game" God, and shit like that, but who has ever seen a commerical advertisment on the big screen. How fun does it look that a bunch of (I think the str8 term is homo) homosexuals sitting around a campfire singing cum-bi-ya and drinking from a sacred goblet is? Speaking of homosexuals.....

Last night at the movies there was like a gay pride meeting. We ran into so many gays last night its not even funny. 6 to be exact. I didn't think gay people did anything besides go to the bar... Who knew? Vanessa asked me if there was a convention, but obviously she missed the memo.

Steve might be getting me a bike today. That's if he gets up before 12 noon. Will he? We will have to wait and see.

My sister is going to a Catholic retreat this weekend. Wish her luck. If anyone has ever met my sister, you'd know how she feels about this. She has to go because she's getting married next year in a Catholic church. GOod luck girl! I gave her a few tips to try and survive all these people who she doesn't know. One of their stupid rules is that they seperate the boys and girls. Why would church figures do this? Is this to promote homosexuality? I mean, after the big scandal in the church, wouldn't priest NOT want to be alone with boys? So anyways my sister (who has a temper sometimes) has to be all by herself with strangers. I told her to hide the fact that she's naming her first child Lucifer, hold back telling about her involvement in the cult, don't swear or tell anyone off, and to hide her Wicca tattoo.... Another rule the almight God has created for this retreat was NO cellphones. She was almost crying. Kinda sucky cause what if she wanted to reach out and call Tammy Faye? SHe's just gonna have to wait till Monday.

They are probably gonna only feed her wine and bread, so at least she'll have a nice buzz kicking while she's there. SHe has a fun personality so she'll probably create 'Godly' drinking games for them to play.... like up and down the Euphrates River or 3 Wise Man. She's cool like that.. I can't wait to hear her stories.

I think I possibly could have the best fukin Halloween costume this year... It's a secret though. I'll have to tell you later.

2003-10-03T16:40:00.000-07:00

I'm Back with a Vengence!

It's been a hella crazy day. Ugh! Vanessa, Drew, Justin, and I went to X-Cel last night.. Fun fun. Captain Morgan was there so we got tons of free shots, shirts, bandanas, etc. It was drunkenly fun. Drew ditched us (this is becoming a pattern) to go home with someone.. .... AGH. Can you believe it? This boy is being slutty. I say... You Go Boy! I got into a fight on my way out of the bar, and now I feel horrible. Apparently I had too much to drink last night. Here's the story as it has been told to me:

I was walking out the door, and unprovoked I told this guy that he was White Trash. Then we started argueing back and forth, and honestly I cannot remember 1 thing him and his friend said to me. But Justin heard me tell the guy that I hoped his dick rotted off while fucking the guy he was with.. WOAH! Justin grabbed me and threw me in the car... Good thing I had him there. Now I cannot go to the bar for like 6 months... I'm so embarassed..

So now I'm at work all hungover and ready for bed. Luckily its almost 8 so I can leave soon. God I hate working on Fridays. Vanessa lost her camera at the bar last night. Sad. We had pictures with Captain Morgan...... now they are just a faded memory. It was kinda funny though, when I first saw this guy that looked like Captain Hook, I told him that he was a little too early for Halloween. God I'm a bitch lately.

2003-09-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

Not in a good mood... I'll write about it later

2003-09-25T16:04:00.000-07:00

Oh my Fukin Headache

Today has been rough. I was awaken at 7am by construction people doing construction things. They are installing ethernet in my building, but they're not supposed to be done until February. AGH! That sucks. They were hammering nails into my wall that I share with the boiler room and I couldn't get back to sleep. I'm still so damn tired.

But tonight is Thursday, so if I don't go to X-cel with the usual crowd, people may think somethings wrong. Get my drink on, and dance!

Things I hate about this week:

Getting an oil change - Have you ever noticed that those grease monkies always try to tell you there is something tragically wrong with your car when all you want is an oil change? I ALWAYS have that happen to me. My last trip cost me over $1200. Therefore, I've been holding out this time, and now I'm like 2000 miles over. Damnit.

Waking Up-This week Mon-Thurs I have been up at 8 am. I'm sorry, but I HATE the mornings. No matter what. Its cold, I'm tired, and you have to spend an hour getting ready when you're exhausted. That's why in school and work I look like WT. It saves me time. I walk out of the house with my eyes half open and I think I look like Colin Farell. By 3pm when I finally wake up I realize I look like Tammy Faye Baker! (Really, some days its just that bad!)

Going to Class- Yes, I know this is something I must do, but damnit, can't they replace those small uncomfortable desks with something like Laz-E-Boy chairs. If I had one, I'd always go to class. Also going to class leaves me to fight with the horendeous parking situation on campus, which more often than not, I'm parked in BFE and have a 20 min+ walk to my class. Damn parking Nazis! Even if you think of illegally parking you'll get a ticket.

Going to Work- Some of the people I work with are bordering on legal mental retardation. The pawn their shit on me as soon as I walk in the door, then bail out to go home. Damn those people. Oh well, if they only knew I sat around all night and got paid to...... they'd probably be pissed.

I've been writing for an hour, and it's only 7:30. Working at night makes me feel like I'm in prison. There is only so much you can do trapped inside a bank. And since I've already unstrapped all the money, threw it on the ground, and dove through it........... there is nothing left to do. (Think Scrooge McDuck on Ducktales.......yes I've done that. :)~ ) Once, when I had someone closing with me, we played Monopoly with real money. That was Fun! And you can only play Bank Robber with yourself so many times before that gets boring. I have spent every penny I have earned at Neimanmarcus.com, Bluefly.com, Ebay.com, Abercrombie.com, or Saks.com so I can't do that anymore, and I think I have officially found the END of the Internet. There is nothing ANYONE could ever show me that I probably already proofread. HOMELESS MAN ALERT!!!!

2003-09-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

Kick The Old Mule
Ok, so I know it has been awhile since I have written, but I have a great excuse......... I'm lazy. :) Actually I have been reading a book called 'The Devil Wears Prada'. I suggest picking up a copy because it was awesome. It reminded me of my life so much. Last weekend a lot of fun stuff happened. Friday night, nothing because Steve had a flight to NY in the am. Saturday night, Vanessa, Mia, Justin, Gummo, Lauren, Drew, and myself went to the dirty Dollar.. Fun times.... Afterwards, afterpartied at Laurens and continued drinking until 6am. We shot reenactments of this WT movie that is the butt of a lot of our jokes. It's called Gummo. It's about this 12 yo boy who has big hair, sleeps with a retard, and a bunch of other misfit activities. Justin did a scene which included getting in the bath tub with cocoa in the water to make it look dirty, eat spaghetti in the tub, and have Vanessa shampoo his hair. You are probably reading this thinking how dumb, but imagine 5 drunk people trying to reenact something without giggling, falling, or some other random thing... It was hilarious! Another scene entailed Justin getting ready to have sex with Lauren, who played the retarded girl. (She played it off pretty well... LUV U LAUREN!) With her hair pulled to the top of her head and her red nighty on, she was ready for some lovin!

School is still sucking, but Halloween is approaching! Woo Hoo! That's so fun, I just need an awesome costume... ANy ideas?

Did you hear that the Detroit Tigers were offically 2 lost games short of being the Ultimately Worst Baseball Team in History? THat's so funny, cause I always thought they sucked, but this just proves it.

It is raining so fukin hard and I have to drive home in this shit!!!! (P.S. - Have you ever noticed you can rearrange the letters in 'this' to get 'shit'?? Pretty cool huh... I bet you wish you thought of that) I am going to call the Flagstar Town Car to take me home. Ha.

Homework awaits, and I'm going to get all wet tonight. Toodles.

2003-09-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

hangovers suck

Went to Xcel last night and drank too much. I am feeling it today... At least I got to sleep in. :) I lost my wallet also last night.. THat's just peachy because I have an exam tomorrow and I need my Student ID. AWHAHAHHHHHHH! I have this issue about calling people when I'm in the bag. I don't know why, and frankly I don't remember doing it. But aparently I called Steve last night and blabbed his ear off. SORRY. Jason's article still hasn't come out.... 1 more day of classes.... WOO HOO... nighty night.

2003-09-16T15:14:00.000-07:00

Anything but Homework.

That's my theme for today. Big test on Thursday, but I just don't want to study. I know thats bad, but oh well. Nothing exciting today. An old friend called me last night, Mike, and that reminded me why I stopped talking to him.. We just have nothing to say to each other. That is becoming a repetitive problem in my daily life. I just don't have much to say to people. I think I am starting to develop an anxiety to driving. For real, everytime I drive, I get so stressed. I think I need a bus pass. Yes, Miss Rosa Parks, scoot the fuck over.

It's only Tuesday, and I'm ready for the weekend already! Steve will be in New York, so we will party this weekend! Kristi's surprise party is Sunday, and it's taking all of my energy to make sure I don't say anything to her. AWWW... It's making me crazy. I'm not exactly the best at keeping secrets, but I'm doing good so far.

I can't wait to be back in the Detroit area where all the action is! God I miss it! I miss normal people, good malls, expansive highways, and most of all the bars. Up here sucks. I have exactly 455 days until I graduate from college. It is not going fast enough! Look for Jason's article in Scene Weekly, (if they ever deliver their damn magazine) this week. Damn I need to shop. I am having a withdrawal attack.... AGHGHGHGAHGHHH....

Till lata

2003-09-15T15:37:00.000-07:00

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THINGS ARE OUT OF CONTROL?

I pondered that question over and over on Sunday. Our tailgating experience definitely falls under OOC! Let's start with the fact that Friday night Steve, Vanessa, Justin, Mia, and myself drank. We then got up at 7am on Saturday to go tailgating. Around 8 Rapheal, Greg, Jason, and Derrick showed up. Then came Larisa and Mark. By 12 we were drunk. To say the least. Some stories can't be told, but Jason and Greg were making out with everyone. Then Greg met this girl we called Shanasty! Her name was Stacey, but she was nasty. He hooked up with her.. (maybe not, but he went home with her and the rest is unclear) Lots of drinking games followed, including many rounds of flip cup. Jason was whoring around by deep throating Mia. Unbelievable.. Alcohol makes you do stupid things. Steve yelled at me when I climbed on top of his car to dance... (Yeah, I was wasted too!) I'm glad he did, cause I probably would have broken my neck, or fall through the roof... We definitely were rowdy. THen we went to see Jennifer Roy, who was on the nondrinking side of campus.. I worked my mojo to get into the dorms to pee, cause who wants to go in an outhouse? Not me. Some guy "knew" me and I played it off, which got Greg, Jason, and I in. Whew! We stopped drinking bout 3ish, when Steve's car battery died. OOPS... When we got back Mark had his BMW motorcycle with him and he took me for a ride... It was fun until I dropped it on the ground... Needless to say he was pissed... Double oops! More drinking and partying until 9pm when I passed out... Whew... I'm still tired. Oh yeah, and this girl, Elizabeth, who is my aunt's cousin was there. She's cool..... so she thinks were cousins...... I'm not sure how that works out, but hey, it was FUN.

Jason gives a more detailed account of the weekend, frankly I don't remember much..... boyswillbeboys.blogspot.com

Check it out..... We had fun, but damn I was happy once everyone left. :)
Let's just say, after 14 hours of continuous drinking, with NO food, made me very, very ill the next day. I guess I should start getting ready for next weekend.

2003-09-12T16:13:00.000-07:00

HAPPY FUKIN FRIDAY!

I have been waiting 5 days for today! I hate school (still) and I hate fuking work. I didn't get to write much yesterday because most of the welfare checks go out on Thursdays, and people need cash. Go figure. That's Lansing for you! Don't worry I've got lots to bitch about. 1st on the docket, I bought a Prada fleece jacket from Neimans. I was so excited to get it (I had it overnighted at $34!) so I could wear it tailgating this weekend. But of course, my luck the fukin zipper on it was broken when I got it today! I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED!!! God damn sweatshop workers need to learn the proper zipper installation procedure! :) At least I got my way when I bitched someone out. I'll have a new one on Monday.... Thats ok, since I got my money back and a new one overnighted for free.

Tailgating this weekend in case anyone forgot. Lots of people coming up, probably about 20... I'll tell you all about it on Monday.

I have another issue to talk about. Can I just say as an economics student at MSU, I HATE THE WORD ECONOMICS. I dispize it soooo much, I even hate any word derived from it.
economical
economy
economist
econometrics
economic
econometricians
economia
blah, blah, fukin blah.

I HATE IT. I've have heard it so many times in class, on tv, etc. its making my ears bleed. As soon as I read it in a book or newspaper I wanna puke. For real. When did that word become soo popular? I mean, when I was 16 or so I never heard that word. Now it seems like the e word is taunting me. Damn, it makes me crazy! I am going to create a new word for that stupid e word. And its gonna be something I like. How about 'Ranch'? Thats a good word. And damnit, that's the best kind of salad dressing! Yummmm, ranch. In stead of economic data, we'll have ranch data. Instead of the economy, we'll have the ranchonomy. See sounds better doesn't it? Then once we talk about it, we can eat it! Damn, I should have my Ph.d.

Hope this gives you something to think about. Go State.... and my newest campaign ------> "Say YES to Ranch!"

Toodles.

2003-09-11T15:34:00.000-07:00

God Bless America

2003-09-10T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have soo many epiphanies today it's not even funny! First being when I was walking home from class today I saw a college student traveling on a skateboard. Since when did skateboards change from being a hobby to being a reliable mode of transportation? Did I miss the memo? Ride or Die byatch! People need to know that they exert more energy trying to run with the damn board than actually coasting along. If he was doing it just to look cool, he missed. What a dork. He looked like Bart Simpson. I don't know why this bothered me, but it did.

Secondly I was channel surfing and I saw this local dance recital that caught my interest. My second posed question is when did it become 'cool' for 6 year old girls put on baggy pants and a wife beater and dance to Nelly's Airforce One? It had me cracking up. I mean weren't dance recitals something for your parents to be proud of? These girls had so much fake 'bling bling' on they looked like prositutes. I was like, oh good more hussies working the street. So I popped in a tape a recorded it. It's gonna be great entertainment to watch this weekend when we are all drunk. I mean call me old fashion, but I thought my sister (name witheld to protect the guilty) dancing to 'Jungle Love' in 1989 at Gotta Dance in her faux leapord print leotard was risque! (Oh wee Oh Wee Oh!!) Don't think I forgot girl! Back then she thought she was Olivia Newton John! In fact one time she recorded herself doing this type of 'The All New Dance Show' fashion/dance runway walk on a VHS tape. I, of course, being the snoop, found it and held it captive, which I was gonna air right before her wedding day. The excitement got to me and I told her that I had it. She wanted to see it. At first I wouldn't give it to her cause I knew she would destroy it, but she convinced me she wouldn't. As soon as she saw the VHS tape she lunged at me, grabbed it, and tore it up. Brat! Now I can't show her soon-to-be husband it.

Another odd thing was this trashy customer that told me he was suspended from his job today. (Refer back a couple days if you don't already know that we are only paid to care) This is some TPT (trailer park trash) that always hangs out at my work. He was pissed because he didn't understand why he got in trouble for beating a raccoon to death with a 2x4 in a work garbage can. (Need no response) then he got suspended for spilling battery acid all over the floor. What a fukin moron.

I have an ingenious idea spurring in my head which would launch my journal into 40,000 faces. More to come on that.

2003-09-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

Howdy Ho!

Happy birthday Chris. You are OLDER than I. Ha. Ha. It wasn't too long ago that you were kicking my ass. :) Now you are gonna need me to change your Depends! My neighborhood has been plagued with construction lately. It sucks sooo bad, and for you that haven't been to my house I live right next to a train track. I think these two things are making me crazy. For real, every single day I have to go yell at someone. The best was some asshole was using a jackhammer right next to my front door, so I went out there in my pj's and yelled at him to stop... He did. They seriously wake me up every morning at like 7am. That's why I walk around like a zombie all day.

Jason has informed me that he will now be writing a sex column for this gay magazine in Detroit. Scene Weekly. Look for it. I think it was the olive oil for lube story that got him the job... just guessing. Today I will let you know about how much I HATE telemarketers. I love to shop, obviously. But some how my name has been passed around to all the nazi telemarketers out there. I get roughly 4 catalogs a day, and 7 phone calls a day. It makes me want to scream. It leads to this vicious circle of spending and debt. Damn I hate credit cards. They are my own personal devils that plot to be used nonstop. If I had time in my schedule I should recruit to start a shoppers anonymous. For real.. Back to telemarketers, they are so fucking mean! I used to just slam down the phone and walk away, but I was in this class and met this chick who was a telemarketer. She told me that if you are rude/mean to them, usually they have some way of putting your name on a repeat call list. So I tried to be nicer. That didn't work either. They are trained nazi's. They have to be. I wish I could find one of these phone bank places. The things I would do to them. So random. I think by now you can tell I'm schophrenic.

Another big weekend ahead. Steve, Jason, Vanessa, Mia, Greg, Lauren, Gummo, Linda, Larisa, some randoms from Flint, Justin, Gina, and probably ten more are all going tailgating. How fun! Football sucks but drinking at 8am is great.

Quote of the day: (This comes from the newest issue of Entertainment Magazine)
#1 MUST LIST: NEWLYWEDS; Aren't you glad that you're not married to Jessica Simpson? And aren't you glad that Nick Lachey is, and that MTV is recording every madcap minute?

That's true. Jessica Simpson is a dumb, and I mean DUMB, bitch...........but I love her Murakami Louis!

2003-09-08T16:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, side note. I just got a message from my friend Jason, and he was "upset" that I havent mentioned him. Well I did today... so for you Jason, jason jason jason jason. Jason had sex on top of a bar in a crowded New Years eve party in front of everyone! How funny, they were cheering him on. (I hope this makes you happy Jason) :)

2003-09-08T15:17:00.000-07:00

Sorry I waited to write on, I was experiencing the weekend. What fun was had and lots and lots of fighting. This weekend should have been labeled "Smack Down Fall 2k3" It sucks but sometimes a good argument was in store. Friday night Drew, Steve, Vanessa, and I stayed up watching movies and drinking. Not too exciting. We watched Swimfan. Let me tell you, I know WAY too many gays that are just like that chick. Scary huh?! Glad I'm taken. Saturday the tailgating was a total bust. Maybe if we weren't so lazy we could do stuff during the day, but most of Saturday consisted of sleeping. (Although this is offically my favorite pasttime, I'm trying to give it up)

Saturday was a different story. Steve and I fought. Hardcore! I had 1001 things I had to do and I couldnt get Steve out of bed. How annoyed was I you ask? RAGIN'!! Haircuts, grocery shopping, and the mall were all on my list of things to do. By 4pm Steve was still not out of bed!! So I had to venture by myself. I think I was most annoyed by the fact that I felt he didn't want to spend time with me, either that or that boy needs an X-tra strength kick in the ass. My negotiating techniques were ineffective, so I was forced to yell. Oh well.

Saturday night we went to The 'dirty' Dollar nightclub. Now, let me tell you this place is disgusting! The beer and women are cheap. I cannot think of the words that would do justice about these immatation FUBU wearing, hair-deanie sportin, trashy, diseased people that are regulars. This place is sooo ghetto, they sell drinks out of fishbowls. Actualy fishbowls. And not anything good might I add. Like 5 o'clock Vodka and Faygo... EWWWWWWW... Anyhow Lauren brought Kirby, who is not very popular in our group. Vanessa, Mia "The Animal", Steve, myself, Lauren, Gummo (Justin), and Kirby all went to the bar. Mia likes to make out with girls when she's drunk, so once again she mounted Lauren. Kirby ripped off some bartenders from his tab so I had to yell at him, then I had to pay the bartender. He is a first class ass! He's one of those people you unfortunately know, that lies about everything, always tries to be the center of attention, and has nothing going for him. Nuff said. After a night of crazy urban dancing, we went to Laurens. Kirby moved out of his RENTED house, which he said he owned, to move. He brought his bird over. I tried to free it so it could get away from becoming a midnight snack, but the bird wouldn't get out of the cage. How annoying. Steve passed out, so Vanessa, Mia, and I left. We stayed up until 7am watching old reruns of 90210. Mia wanted to show me her surprise birthday tape, which only consisted of 90210, so we stayed up farting, and laughing all night. Good times. Vanessa likes to fart, ALOT, so she is always committed to bringing the entertainment. Now, some people might be like ewww gross, but she is such a performance artist, that its funny.

Sunday was full of more bs cause Steve was supposed to fix my air conditioning. He didnt start until 7pm which pissed me off. Oh well it works. And Sex and the City last night was fabulous. I wish I knew someone like Carrie. Id tap that. Someone who appreciates labels, without thinking youre a snob. That would be nice.

Jason, a friend just started an online journal..www.boyswillbeboys.blogspot.com
Hes fun. Hes single. Hes the other half of my brain. When I lived in the Detroit area, we were scandelous together. I miss him, but the bitch wont visit me in East Lansing. The word excuse in the dictionary has his face under it. He always has an excuse for not being able to come up, but I still love em! Goodnight

2003-09-05T16:53:00.000-07:00

Work and jerk.. you party people! It's FRIDAY!! Woo HOO. So I totally persuaded the guy who quit the bank to come back.. Damn I'm good! Now I only have to work 1 Sat a month. Vanessa grew some BIG balls today and confronted our regional manager about making more money. You go girl!!! She kinda got what she wanted. I was so drunk last night! Vanessa, Dana, and I polished off over 1/5 of Captin Morgans. Needless to say Im not feeling soo well. Oh well, as long as theres Jimmy John's I'll be ok. Steves coming up tonight. He best not be late! :) Drew is moving in with Kirby and Travis. I don't have enough time to explain all these peeps, but you'll figure it out over time. Thats crazy! Trust me. Time to drink more... Ta ta... till later

2003-09-04T16:04:00.000-07:00

So another crazy day. Let me tell you. Well not really. Routine. Up at 9 am. Class till 2pm. Work at 3. Mundane and boring. Oh well. Some odd things happened today. Some guy in my econ class kept grabbing his crotch next to me in class. Very odd. He knew I saw him too. Is that a pick up line? Hi, um look at this. How weird. Then out to a fabulous place called Subway from lunch, this random was checking me out. Subway is fun because my best friend Dana tells me I look like Jared. So when I go there I tell them I am him and get my subs for free. Just kidding. I wish. Jared's ugly. I'm not. I could feel his eyes peering from behind, so I turned around and he's like " Oh my God, Gary! You remember me right?" and I'm totally dazed like "Sorry, no." At anyrate I met him at the bar we always go to Excel, once when I was totally drunk and out of my mind.

(Sidenote: one time at Excel, on stripper night, I was so drunk I stripped down to my undies and danced on stage. I'm such a dumbass.)

I felt really dumb, and as I look back I still don't know who he was. His name was Lawrence. Anyone know him, let me know. It's always something. Another bank worker quit. Gregg. This means I have to work more fuckin Saturdays. God that sucks balls! And not in a good way. Another one bites the dust. Andrea my hottie from Detroit called, must call her tonight and get her to come tailgating this weekend. Vanessa is coming over and drinking with me tonight. Woo Hoo. I have a paper due tomorrow, but drinking is more fun. I need to de-stress. The papers not due till noon tomorrow, so I'll wake up early and finish it. Yeah right, nice thought though.

2003-09-03T16:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it looks like I have more time on my hands. I work the night shift at a bank. Sucky but pays good. We are open till 9. Here's where I will tell you how to be a better bank customer.

1st off-- if your account is in the negative, don't yell at us cause we don't really care, and 9 out of 10 times its your own damn fault.
2nd-- if you have to wait 5 seconds for someone to help you, so be it! Don't get all pissy if people don't jump to you and immediately assist you.
3rd-- we only laugh at your stupid jokes because we have to. It's called customer service. The worst one I ever heard was "how can you tell if a woman is from Grand Ledge? Answer: Her four front teeth are missing." I mean does that even make sense. Dumb dumb people!
4th-- have all your slips filled out BEFORE you get to the counter. This is typically the most annoying from people who are just lazy and expect you to do it. We hate them!
5th-- If you want to ask us for a favor, DON'T!!!! We don't like doing favors, because people get mean once you stop doing them!
6th-- We will NOT waive your NSF fees. Don't even ask!!!Balance your checkbook! If you are paying NSF fees its because you are retarded.... Hire an accountant
7th-- We are only nice and polite because we have to be. Don't forget that. We are not your friend, we do not want you to hang out and talk about your pathetic life, kids, job, house, vacation, hip surgery, etc. We don't care. (In case you forgot.)
8th-- Be nice, remember we can access your account at any time. :) Don't piss us off. In fact bring us gifts on the holidays, XMAS, Easter, etc. We like candy, gift certificates, etc.
9th-- Even if you think you are the best banking customer with over $100,000 in your account, don't think we have to bow to you and kiss your feet. We don't care, its not our money. Don't threaten us to pull your money out of our bank if you are unhappy. We'd be more than happy to get rid of the asshole customers. If only I could cut them a check everytime someone threatens me, I think I wouldn't be so disgrunteled. Oh well. Life goes on.

Sorry I know I'm bitchy, but I've been slingin' greenbacks for almost 3 years! I want to scream! So please follow these simple rules and bank tellers will be nice and willing to help you.
Thanks

2003-09-03T16:23:00.000-07:00

So today was just another day. Nothing too excited. I got flipped off by some ugly chick in a blue jimmy. How fun is that? She was a wench. I got even though. I parked my car and walked past her and screamed at her. Kinda immature. Sure. Fun... definitely! What a bitch. I hate people who think they own the world. College sucks. I'm sure you've heard that before. I am a Junior at Michigan State University. Really boring.. I'm studying economics. I only picked that cause there was nothing else I wanted to do. I'm totally not into it, and most of the time it goes over my head. Oh well, $40,000+ spent well.

Lots of exciting things are coming up.... Tailgating at MSU on Saturday with friends, Kristi's (boss) birthday and going away party (shes quitting the bank BITCH!) and papers to write. My pondering question for today may stump you. How could you possibly write a three page paper about the Russian planned economy and how witheld information and propaganda destroyed their country after just 2 class periods? I don't know... Screw Russians. The only thing good we ever got from them was Anna Kornikova. and she sucks now.

I obviously just started this, and I'm pondering whether I will tell my close friends about it. What if I want to say something mean about them? Then they'd read it. I got a couple emails already. Glad to see someone found me. Well enjoy the day!

Tip of the Day: If the A/C in your car breaks in the summertime, get it fixed ASAP.

2003-09-02T16:36:00.000-07:00

Today is my first day. Prepare! OMG so much happens in so little time! I guess thats whats so great about being a college student. This writing thing makes me feel like Doogie Howser, analyzing the days thoughts. This way all of you out there can really see how fuked up I am. Woo Hoo... Party on!

Tip of the Day: To get the crowd bumpin sing "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond at a karoke bar. More to follow.